It continues...

Insomnia, that is... I am reaching a level where I think I will drop while walking... Not even time to nap as I decided like I wrote the other day to cook more. The only way I will cook is when people come over, otherwise I will have a yogurt or eat cheese or something... I rarely cook for myself. So I have been feeding many people lately and experimenting with recipes.

Those who know me know that one of my weaknesses is talking about food... If I find another foodie, I just can't stop myself. So here it goes (especially for running42k), something that I concocted yesterday:
Heat some oil with some sesame seeds
Sauté 2 diced onions
Once the onions are cooked through and translucent, layer thinly cut meat (half of the palm of your hand, with thickness 1 to 2 cm)
Sprinkle the meat with sugar (yes sugar, trust me - really ;))
Turn over the meat once the meat changes color
Sprinkle with soy sauce
Cook for a couple of minutes
In the meantime, blanche some green beans (either fresh or frozen) for a couple of minutes (this means cooking them in boiling water for a minute than putting them in ice cold water - to stop the cooking)
Dump the beans on the meat.
Sprinkle with more soy sauce
Add about 1 Tbs of mince garlic, cook a couple more minutes
Before serving, sprinkle more soy sauce and some sesame seeds.
Serve with jasmine or basmati rice...

Ok, now I am hungry.

Le sleepy... Le tired...

This past couple of days, I've been sleeping an average of 3 to 4 hours per night... I am a little tired... and I think I'll end up falling on my desk one of these days if I don't make up for this lost sleep... Lots of weddings and celebrations, and they are never-ending. I am very happy for all of those celebrating, but it would be really nice if they could arrange for things to be friday or saturday night.

The worst part of it is that I when I do get home, I can't seem to sleep quickly because I am so tired, so I read a bit, which does help. Currently I am reading "A History of the Devil", a very interesting book.

I've decided to get back to cooking a little more, I've not been doing a lot of it lately because I don't have time, and I really really miss it. Cooking and baking always make me happy, and the creative side in me comes out. So there. I'll start hunting for more recipes to try, like yesterday, even if I was dead tired and in dire need of napping, I baked my first ever fresh fig cake. It actually turned out pretty good..

All for now, struggling to be functional.

Back to work, back to reality...

So I thought that I would take a couple of days off to take a break from work and from having to wake up early in the morning... Wrooooong. I had not realized all the errands that I needed to run and all the little things in life that I had not been doing because I did not have (and still don't) the time to do... So basically I had a couple of days to jump in my car, drive around, drop and pick up people and stuff, doctors to see, dry cleaning, and all the BS that we have to do to maintain a decent appearance.

One occurence (well... many actually, but let's just be optimistic and nice this one time) drove me nuts. The banking system in this country is... retarded. There is really no other way of saying it. My money is at a branch that is close to where I live, so I go there on my way to work in the morning when I need to talk to my banker... Occasionally however, I have a hard time waking up (ok so most days I need to be dragged out of bed), so I don't always have time to go in the AM. There is another branch, of said bank, close to where I work. I dropped by the other day and asked to withdraw money by writing a check to myself.

She said ok, but when she saw that I was affiliated with another branch, she said she could not give me the money. I asked why and she replied that she did not know me. WTF? I then replied, you can see my balance, can't you? Of course she responds, but I don't know your habits. As bricktop (Snatch) said eloquently : In the words of the virgin Mary, come again? I did not know if I should have been angry, sad, both, or just pissed off... How can you not give me money when the balance shows right there on your screen? How exactly does the guy in the bank know me when all he sees is the monthly deposit of my salary and my different withdrawals? Which SHE CAN SEE!!!! argh.

So basically I was angry AND pissed off... Took my check book because I was so disgusted, and left. But wait, the adventure contiues... I made the detour in the middle of my errands, went to my bank. I did get my money, although nobody asked anything and the guy at the front desk barely did any checking... I then ask to see the "banker" to see why I've not gotten my login and password for my online banking. Aaah... He's not here, as he's replacing some other sucker in some other branch while on vacation. So what can I do I ask... You have to wait until he comes back.

I am so very tired of all this bullshit... It seems as if all the stupid little branches are each a mini bank of their own, which is so very primitive. Imagine you go to vacation, 600 km away and need to withdraw more than your daily or weekly allowance. What the hell are you supposed to do? Fly back to your branch?

Anyways... Deep breaths... Venting over. Back to work now.

What I've been up to...

I had the fantastic opportunity the other day to meet a couple of TN bloggers and am very psyched as I met some great people... Frankly I've not been up to much lately as I could not break the routine of home-work-home... I always wish I could go more to the beach (as I said before, I long to be a beach bum), so perhaps I should start looking for a job that will give me lots more time ;) Somehow the thought of teaching and having 3 months off (and paid) is getting more and more appealing, but that is a long way from where I am now, and we'll see about that...

I just finished reading Codex by Lev Grossman, ahd have started reading The Brethren by John Grisham (my first ever book of his). I've been flaking off on my guitar lessons, and I have GOT to get back to playing...

That's pretty much it for now for me. I am awaiting new and interesting developments in my life soon, so I will keep you guys updated :)

Crashing and not burning

Thanks to all of you guys for your nice words. The accident was much more felt by my nerves than by my car, which is now in process of being repared. So I did crash in front of someone in front of me not to be crashed into by someone next to me. Spent the past couple of days dealing with insurance and the person that I crashed into.

I am finally taking a couple of days off, and going I hope to the beach to swim, take photos, and chill. Toutou will not be coming, and I hope she won't attack the plants around the house to throw up after (in memory of Zipir).

I don't know anymore if I am being true to myself, or somehow due to sick circumstances and the way things are here, that I have to change a bit into someone a bit meaner. It's a matter really of not getting scewed over or taking it all in. I am still struggling with the choice.

Hope all of you guys are well.

As the driver..

I've made new rules, and I will do my best to keep them. It is very clear that sometimes, parting ways is the only way, and the best way... So I am not forcing myself anymore into situations where I clearly am unhappy. That's pretty much the way it's going to be... It's not really "my way or the highway" but really "I've given it way too many chances, things are not working, I think I'm just gonna call it quits".

This will most definitely be applicable to all sides of my life, and again, with all these big decisions that I make/take once in a while, I have this enormous sense of relief. So that is that.

On a more sunny note, I finally will take a couple of days off this week. On a less sunny note, I got into a car accident today. What else? Lots of ups and downs these days, and I'm not sure anymore what direction to take.

People seriously need to get a grip here. It's unbelievable how childich they can be and how "sensitive" they are... or rather, they think they are taking the high road and doing their part in whatever, when in fact, all they want is to be able to say whatever the hell they want, for you to take it, and never ever say the same thing to them, because that would be "mean" to them.

The thing is, no matter how hard I try to keep my cool, I just always end up getting pissed. I don't know if I feel better really, but I get pissed, and in this country, one needs a lot of detachment (work, family) or ... or I don't know. Or you are pissed many times throughout the day like I am. The saying in Tunisia is "tirma berda" or "cold ass" (ass as in rear-end, not donkey)... So one needs to be a cool cold ass to make it... Still very much trying to do so.

Sigh...

In eleven months...

I moved with my cat from DC to Tunis
I changed my status
I got a job
I learned to drive stick-shift
I bought a car
I scratched my car
I visited 3 countries
I learned to play the guitar
I got sick several times
I thought about moving back to DC several times
I had many fights with many people because they tried to cut me off in lines
I missed my parents a lot (and still do)
I lost and regained my strength many times
I had many migraine headaches
I doubted myself often
I started a real-estate savings account
I enjoyed good food at my grandma's and aunts houses
I decided to be the driver, not the passenger

As i woke up this morning...

... i found myself thinking about the VW ad : In the road to(of) life, there are passengers, and there are drivers. I am not quite sure why I was thinking about, maybe because I've been talking a lot lately about cars and driving... Perhaps it also has to do with the fact that there is more thinking going on on being active or passive in life...

I wonder why we decide to choose the seat that we do : challenge or confort?

Ups and downs...

are due to who knows what... Although I have a strong feeling that I need a vacation that would enable me to put fresher ideas in my head, and forget a little bit about town, work, traffic, and third-world mentality. Days are passing with any added value, so to say, and I am just paddling to stay afloat.

Just very tired I guess... Too much heat, no appetite, and nothing exciting going on.

Strength

I am right now in a situation where I must pull all of my strength together... Where I must muster up whatever energy left in me to go on, but I just feel so tired that I am very much thinking about giving up. I am sooo tired, so drained, so exhausted, that I have this feeling that I am about to just cry like I've never cried before. It's not really in my nature to do it, but I feel the flow welling up, and I don't know how much longer I can resist.

Back to the issue of trust...

The questions are: why do i trust? do i need to trust? can i trust? who do i trust? who can i trust? and especially, what is trust? and many, many more...

I won't discuss all of these questions (left out there for you to wonder, and for me to better define my vision), but i shall talk about trust in general.

I think it's difficult to trust because there is the inherent fear that we will be mocked and betrayed. The fear that what we share with one person (or organization) will get used against me. The fear that if you open up yourself just a little bit, if you provide a facet of yourself that you've kept secret, that the person you put your trust in, will ridicule you.

It could be stupid stuff, like sharing a fantasy, or a childhood secret you've kept to yourself, a dream, or a particular ideology. Saying it makes it out there and basically makes you "naked". Because also, in the words of Democritus, "Do not trust all men, but trust men of worth; the former course is silly, the latter a mark of prudence."

Of course, how do you define worth, and can you still find it?

Hot and sweaty...

I was having a bit of insomnia the other night and I was watching, for once, television. There was a show that I started watching because they were talking about a book, Passions animales, and sex is always more interesting than some shooting spree in some dumbass movie.

So the guy was talking about his book and of course the different mating rituatls of animals, and the different techniques that male had to ensure that either the female will "retain" his sperm or that he'd be the only male to mate with her (hence of course ensuring that the pups are his). Some creature (I forgot what) apparently leaves his penis inside the female to close her up. A bit gross and poor little guy. One shot and he's out. The author (Frédéric Lewino) finally talked about the human animal and how basically what stopped us from doing a lot of things, was basically our created Taboos.

We have taboos to "regulate" our sexual lives and apetites and to somewhat keep us in line with monogamy and life as most of us knows it. Of course taboos differ from one culture to the other. I remember in my anthropology class some tribe in Asia where the woman marries the guy and his brothers, basically to take care of them. I forgot how the sex works out, but the woman could always get some, and I am sure that she could always find one who's not tired. The kids issue is resolved in a way because they are all brothers and so, sort of all theirs.

I've talked before about sexual morality, and the hypocritical mating rules that we have. I wonder how things will be in the future and one day the concept of "swinging" would become an accepted concept in our society. Perhaps a bit difficult, perhaps in 2 or 3 generations.

Don't take me wrong, I am not advocating open fornication. I am just saying, males or females should be allowed to do whatever they want without any judgement based on gender.

And to think that bees and ants have a queen that rules them all... I wonder what we human females need to do to gain such power...

But wwwwhhhhhyyyyy???

I've gotten back to reading more about Socrates (his life, his teaching) and I find this man to be interesting. I've to say that I very much like his way and that questionning everything all the time is a healthy attitude in life.

I know that I would go nuts if I could not question as much as I do right now. I am often told that I ask too many questions and that I wondered too much. I don't see how anyone could live without questioning everything or without that sense of wonder that we have as kids. Why do we lose it? Why do we stop asking questions about the stars, radio waves, and wind directions? Do we really know all that stuff, think we know it, or just stop caring? Take all for granted?

Anyways... I was just wondering :) Considering, that uhum, one of my guitar strings broke, so I have more time to wonder until I fix it.

On a more personal note : the cat is still sneezing and seems to enjoy my playing the guitar. She just sits and stairs and occasionally jumps on the dangling extra string... Thinking of expanding my horizons and taking sculpture classes. Recommendations anyone?

Back with a vengeance : Thin rope

I've very much missed writing, so I'm working out a system that should enable me to have a post every day or so... Considering that my insomnia is at an all time high and that my hours of sleep are shrinking, I have more time to think about everything and nothing and wonder about my life... Which is why I shall start by talking about the choices we make in life.

Everyday, we all make and take decisions that can alter our lives... Somewhat like the famous butterfly and the tsunami it created... Sometimes the rope is very tight and it is in fact easy to decide, at other times, it is loose and no matter what you will do, you will fall and hurt yourself.

Growing up, my dad used to tell me that in life, there are no maybes. You can only agree or disagree on something. It's not always very easy growing up, but I find it to be a good thing. It is good because you are forced to have decide. If you are unsure, it means you don't know. That's basically how I think now. Of course, often, talk is cheap, and in practicality, it's not very easy.

There are also those decisions you make that you know you will regret at one point in your life if you don't really think about their consequences. The frequent fight between the rational and the emotional often leads to troubles. Your head tells you not to do X behaviour but your heart is just too hurt and needs to do X. And we end up in situations where you do something that you are unsure of and in situations that are tricky.

It's stupid. It's human nature. It's life. The trick is managing those situations as much as possible and minizing the "hurt" consequences as much as possible.

I'm not quite sure why I am writing about this but I've been thinking about it. Perhaps just thinking about my choices in life -- working very hard, and if so, to what end, my eating habits, my physical activities, etc...- because I'm taking a closer look at where I am heading... Probably 'cause I'm turning 30 in a couple of months :)

Guitar, migraines, and trust...

It's now or never... This is the only time I will find today to write, as I am taking advantage of "waiting" for the upload to finish...

I LOVE playing the guitar. It's totally cool and it's just superb to start playing and decomposing a song, note by note. My first lesson went well, and I suppose I just have to get used to holding the guitar and positioning my hands. Left is ok, but right is tricky... I've been practicing every day a little bit, and I am totally psyched.

I've been having ups and downs with headaches and migraines. I was hoping that those days were behind me, but I guess I am a little more tired these days and it's starting to affect me. I hope it will pass because I hate taking pills....

I've been thinking these past days about trust, and how much I actually find it hard to open up to someone. I always have this feeling/fear that I will get screwed over, that if I say something or behave in a particular way, it will come back and haunt me.... Anyways, I will have to write more on this because this is a behavior that I've had for quite some time and I wonder in fact about it... So more intropsection sessions are needed to come up with a more suitable answer. But to get back to it (as I just had a thought now), I think I cannot totally confide in one person only. It's more like different aspects of me are shared with different people. So it's like (in a way) not putting all of my eggs in one basket. Perhaps that's what I am doing...

Ok. The upload is over, so back to work!

Random thoughts...

I've not had much time to write lately because work's been taking that time... Consequently, I've not had enough brain power to think anything but thoughts on clients, projects, HTML, tricky PSD, and the wonderful world of CSS.

I've managed to finish my book (Nostradamus ate my hamster by Robert Rankin) and start another one (The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents by Terry Pratchett). I realize I have somewhat of a taste for weird titles, and both of these have rodents in them... Just pure coincidence.

The only other fun thing for me is that starting monday I will start taking electric guitar lessons!!! I am very psyched about it and I hope I won't suck too much. But whatever my natural talent is, I am set on not giving this up, and being able to play 1 decent song by Led Zeppelin, and 1 by Pink Floyd. I am tempted to add a Metallica in the list, but I think 2 is enough to start with...

What else, what else? Having a sneezing coughing cat can be entertaining... Holding a cat down so it can get an X-Ray is something I will remember...

Back to work and I hope deeper thoughts in the days to come...

La coupe du monde!!! Ce qu'on peut et ne peut pas faire...

Juste une petite blague... Faut dire que je suis d'accord et que j'ai tendance à avoir cette hatitude moi-même....

So here it goes...

Madame / Mademoiselle,

La Coupe du Monde s'approche et il est extrêmement important pour la santé de la femme, des fiancées, filles, amies, mères, soeurs, ainsi que la vie de couple, de la famille et du voisinage que les recommendations ci-apres soient bien lues et comprises. Le non-respect d'une des règles édictées ci-dessus peut avoir des consequences désastreuses et mettre votre couple en péril!

PRIERE DONC DE BIEN VOULOIR LES RESPECTER!

Liste des règles

1. du 9 juin au 9 juillet, vous devriez lire les pages sports des journaux afin d'être au courant de ce qui se passe et ainsi être en mesure de vous joindre intelligemment à une conversation. Si ce n'est pas le cas, vous serez totalement ignorée. NE PAS vous plaindre si vous ne recevez aucune marque d'attention de notre part dans ce cas de figure.

2. Pendant la Coupe du Monde, la television m'appartient (où à tout le moins celle qui dispose du plus grand écran) tout le temps sans exception. N'essayez même pas de jeter un oeil sur la télécommande vous risqueriez de le perdre (l'oeil)

3. Si vous devez passer devant la télé durant un match, cela m'importe peu, du moment que vous le faites en rampant sur le sol et sans me distraire. Si vous décidez de vous mettre nue devant la télé, assurez-vous d'avoir des vêtements à portée de main afin d'éviter un refroidissement car je n'aurai pas le temps de vous emmener chez le docteur ou de m'occuper de vous pendant le mois que durera la Coupe du Monde.

4. Pendant les matches je serai aveugle à vos gestes, sourd à vos demandes ou muet si vous désirez une conversation. Les seuls exceptions seront pour demander une bière ou quelque chose à manger. Pour le reste, n'espérez pas que je réponde au téléphone, que j'aille ouvrir la porte ou que j'aille chercher le gosse qui vient de
tomber du 2ème... Ca n'arrivera pas...

5. Ce serait une bonne idée de votre part de vous arranger pour qu'il y ait toujours une douzaine de bières au frigo ainsi que des snacks en tout genre à portée de main.Ne tirez pas la tête à mes amis qui viendraient voir un match. En échange d'un comportement responsable de votre part, vous seriez autorisées à regarder la télé de minuit à 6hr, sauf en cas de rediffusion d'un match que j'aurais raté par mégarde

6. S'il vous plait ! Si vous me voyez énervé à cause d'une des équipes que je supporte, NE PAS venir me dire "allez, ce n'est qu'un jeu" ou encore "t'inquiètes pas, ils gagneront la prochaine fois". Le seul fait de dire cela ne ferait que me mettre encore plus en colère et je vous aimerais encore moins. Souvenez-vous que vous n'en saurez jamais autant que nous sur le football et que vos "mots d'encouragements" ne feront que nous mener à une rupture ou un divorce.

7. Vous êtes la bienvenue si vous désirez vous asseoir parmi nous afin de regarder un match. Vous pouvez nous parler pendant la mi-temps, au moment du passage des pubs et uniquement si le score nous agrée. Notez que j'ai dit "un" match et qu'il n'est pas question de prendre la Coupe du Monde comme excuse afin de "passer un peu de temps ensemble"

8. La rediffusion des goals est très importante. Je me fous de savoir si je les ai déjà vus ou pas, je veux les revoir... plusieurs fois

9. Dites à vos amies de NE PAS avoir la moindre fête en rapport avec leurs gosses ou quoi que ce soit qui impliquerais ma présence car :

1° je n'irai pas
2° je n'irai pas
3° je n'irai pas


10. Par contre si un de mes amis m'invite chez lui afin de regarder un match, notez que j'y serai en un rien de temps

11. Les résumés des moments forts des matchs sont aussi importants que les matches eux-mêmes. Ne pensez même pas à dire des choses du genre "mais tu as déjà vu ça... Pourquoi on ne regarderais pas autre chose ensemble ?" la réponse serait: "merci de vous referrer à la règle n° 2 de cette liste"

12. Finalement, épargnez-nous les expressions comme "Dieu merci, ça ne se passe qu'une fois tous les 4 ans". Je suis immunisé contre cette phrase car après ceci, viendra la Champions League, Le championnat Belge,Anglais,Espagnol, Italien, etc, etc....

Merci de votre coopération

Les hommes (et certaines femmes) du monde.

My first scratch...

I've been meaning to write about this for the last couple of days, but never got around doing it

Last week, I scratched my car. My car is about 4 months old, and frankly, I'm just glad she (yes, it's a she) got a taste of reality. I had this intense fear of driving in the beginning because I found myself in this new car (my first new vehicle) that was big and costed more than I had thought I'd spend. Of course, I fell in love with my car, just like every new car-owner and I was paranoid with scratches, etc.

A part of me of course wants to preserve the car as it was the day I got it, but considering the realities of driving (especially in Tunisia) one must realize that it is only a matter of time (just look at the bumpers here) before you adjust your tolerance level for these little "bumps". We all want to hold on to the new thing as much as possible. We just want to have it perfect for as long as possible. We want it whole and complete and shiny. However, by keeping this "perfect" image of the thing, we never get over the fact that it is in fact just that : a thing. A nice engine surrounded by some metal, plastic, and a great dashboard.

So basically, I feel relieved that I scratched it. It was my own stupidity that caused the beauty to lose a small part of its paint. And I don't feel werid have felt "ehh... what the hell" when it happened. Now I suppose I can stop (or reduce) the fussing.

La grenouille

Je viens de finir la lecture de "La grenouille qui ne savait pas qu'elle était cuite et autres leçons de vie"... C'est un livre qui a beaucoup de potentiel, mais qui malheureusement n'haboutie vraiment nul part. C'est un peu un livre à la pop-psychologie qui donne des conseils pour l'amélioration de soi, l'amélioration du Ego... Olivier Clerc utilise sept allégories pour illustrer sept histoires différentes. Ces histoires sont supposées nous inspirer...

En gros, le bouquin est à lire pour ceux à la recherche d'inspiration, ou à la recherche de positivisme dans leurs vies. Le point positif que j'ai personnellement retenu est le fait que nous avons tous besoins d'être plus conscients.

Sinon, laisse tomber. Next on the list: Nostradamus Ate my Hamster de Robert Rankin

Sexual Morality

I was having a conversation with friends the other day about sexuality, and how it differs depending on perspective, depending on religious beliefs, depending on gender.

What I really cannot seem to understand or comprehend is this hyprocrisy that is world-wide about women and their sexuality. It is truly an international way of thought that renders a man screwing around a positive thing whereas a woman doing the same would be a whore. Fornication, it seems, is very gender specific. A man is lauded for having a large experience... A man is applauded when he says that he "scored" after a couple of dates, but the woman is of loose moral fiber and promiscuous.

Why is that? Is that because women are to be mothers? Are we expected to be all saintly creatures? and yet conquer you in bed? How are we supposed to be both? What is this crazy duality that is expected of us? Why is it ok for guys to f*ck around? Is all of this related to religion? And if so, why does it apply just to us? I mean... WTF?

I've often thought about this duality of things... The reasons just elude me, and I wonder why it is that things are this way. I have always thought of this just unfair. I am not encouraging screwing around. I am merely wondering why it is ok for guys and not for gals...