Seeing the good in life

Hi

I’ve not written in some time, not because I’ve lacked inspiration, or lacked time, and especially not because I’ve not had the need to vent (it is *still* an essential element of my life). I’ve not written because I’ve been giving life, my life, some thought… I’ve always had these mini crises where I question everything all over again. A friend recently said that libras were notorious for being in an unstable balance (un équilibre instable). Perhaps questioning everything on a regular basis reaffirms my belief or believes in my choices in life, or better yet, they might orient me towards a direction that I might not have considered.

In any case… I seem to be rambling without really going forward in my writing. I guess, I just wanted to say, that sometimes, I tended to lose myself and forget the very same principles that I am preaching (to others and myself) : live your life, enjoy what you have, and just be. Somewhere between going to work, getting home, and I guess getting got in the rat race, I’d forgotten these very same principles. I am not sure how or why, but I noticed myself sinking into a melancholy, a sort of blues, beleaguered by an unexplainable dark cloud looming over me.

Frankly, when one stops and thinks over about one’s life, it is in my humble opinion, important to be aware of the little things that make our lives the way it is. The gentle touch of a loved one, the unexpected gift, the warm embrace when one is in need of comfort, remembering how you take your coffee, the squeeze when you expect it the least, the door being opened to you, a quiet afternoon watching a good movie, a great conversation that will lead you strictly nowhere, a book that will freshen up your perspective on life, waking up with the knowledge that the only thing you have to do is go to the beach .

There are really loads and loads of things that make our life good. All I’m saying is that we should not forget about them and learn to enjoy them.

This and that... General ramblings

My past week was quite ... interesting. I definitely did not feel the time go by at all... The week ended and all that remained was a feeling of satisfaction and beatitude. A lot got done.

My cat seems to have pulled through whatever was going on. I brought her home this past saturday and she seems to be stable. Not eating a lot, but at least, she's drinking water and moving around.

Finally got to go to the beach this sunday and disconnect with the world. I went to a beach around the area of Bizerte, and on the way home, had 2 excellent fricassés. It definitely hit the spot, and the beach/fricassé were much needed and it certainly helped get me started for the week. Monday for once, was bearable.

I took advantage of a cancelled appointment to sleep on saturday... I slept like there was no tomorrow. I finally recuperated and recharged my batteries.

Mosquitoes seem to have found in my body an intense source of happiness as the creatures have been coming to me every night now. I have over 2 dozen bite marks and it's getting to a point where it's intolerable... I don't want to have to shut down the window and have AC... I am checking all kinds of websites to see what I need to do in order not to be under attack... So far, nothing really great that I can do naturally (the solution of tobacco is not an option). If you guys have any ideas, please do share...

Otherwise, am reading a lot these days, but nothing of great literary value. It's all part of the summer/beach reading.

Dealing with death

I've not had to "worry" about death for quite some time. Two of my grandparents passed away when I was 5, and another when I was 10... Which means it's been over twenty years that I've not had someone I love or close to me or whatever pass away. I know that human and animal life do not compare... But I also believe in feeling close, whether to a person or a creature. This week, I'm having to deal with the eventuality of my cat's death.

I don't really want to think about it, but a part of me is not sure that Toutou is going to pull through. She's not been eating, not moving, not drinking, not anything. This is totally unlike her, because, despite her age (10.5 years), she comes to the door every single time I come in. She hangs out with me wherever I am at home, waits for me to get out of the shower, etc... I've had her for 9 years. I say without shame, that I love that cat.

She's been "hospitalized" for the past couple of days, and she's not doing well... The vet said that I should start thinking about what to do if she does not improve by tomorrow (saturday). I don't want to think about it. I know we all die. I know it's just a cat. I know all that. But... But the part of me that is rational is not strong enough on this particular issue.

Communication breakdown

This week at work, I've been surrounded by power struggles, back-stabbing, rumours, and all kinds of unhealthy settings. It's *unbelievable*. Personally, the whole "rat race" is not my thing. I strive to do my job well, I want to succeed, but I know my limits. I know that there are things I will never do and I know that I will not sabotage someone just to move forward. It's just not in my nature.

I just cannot for the life of me understand some people who have gone up the ladder, one way or another, and are perpetually anxious : they make the people who work for them miserable just to feel that they have power over them; they do not communicate with the rest of the team, they are constantly in meetings and demand to be cc-ed on everything...

Bad management is really a horrible thing. It just demoralizes everyone around and is so very counter productive. When you step back and look at the situation, you realize that people have not grown up, that they are still children, in a school yard, fighting over who has the most marbles and the most friends. It's so childish and so totally irrational... I've tried to explain this, to understand it, but really there's no point.

People forget the importance of communicating, of talking, of sharing ideas, of listening. They forget that by communicating, we move forward, we help one another, and we better understand the needs of everyone....

I shall leave you with the following quote :

"The crucial role of language in human evolution was not the ability to exchange ideas, but the increased ability to cooperate" - Fritjof Capra

Obligations sociales

Samedi dernier, en compagnie de ma très chère Houta, en sirotant une boisson bien fraiche, une conversation bien interessante eut lieu (du moins, on a commencé, mais elle a été interrompue). On avait commencé à parler du concept d'obligations sociales, de choses qu'on devait faire parce que "c'était la chose à faire". En Tunisie, il y a beaucoup de situations où on se sent obligé de faire x pour faire plaisir à ses parents, à son conjoint, à ses beaux parents, etc...

Parfois, ce concept (makkhidht khater as we call it) est bien parce que nous vivons dans une société qui n'est pas (encore) individualiste. On a besoin parfois de mettre un peu à l'écart nos sentiments pour le bien du "groupe". Nous tenons compte des sentiments des autres. Nous faisons des efforts pour que le futur beau fils de notre oncle ne se sente pas exclut, nous allons visiter, nous sortons, nous visitons, nous parlons, etc. etc...

Mais .... parfois, il y a quelqu'un qui est dans l'obligation de faire plaisir aux autres, sans que toutefois que les autres réciproquent. En fait, ce n'est même pas une question de donner sans recevoir. C'est vraiment le fait de donner parce qu'on "doit", de faire quelque chose à contre coeur, et être dans une situation inconfortable contre son grés. C'est pour tout cela que je dis : f*ck 'em. Rien ni personne ne devrait m'obliger à un age adulte et avancé de faire qq chose contre mon gré simplement parce que c'est "comme ça".

Ce n'est certainement pas facile par moments, parce que clairement on irait contré le courant... Et alors? Telle est la vie... Et si on ne veut pas finir comme copie conforme aux 10 millions de tunisiens, il faut avoir la peau dure et tenir tête. Like I said, ce n'est pas facile de se comporter comme on veut vraiment, et s'habiller comme on veut, et en fin de compte, vivre ou être comme on veut. Mais il faut aussi réaliser que nous n'avons qu'une vie, qu'elle est courte et instable, et surtout qu'elle peut prendre fin à tout moment.

Pour reprendre les mots de Renton (Trainspotting) : Choose life.

On why I hate pedestrians in Tunisia

This post has been brewing in my head for quite some time... I've been trying to find some sort of logic, some sort of explanation, something, anything to start explaining the behavior of pedestrians in Tunisia, but I just can't...

I cannot for the life of me understand why people would walk on the road, when you have a sidewalk. I cannot understand why people cross the road when there are cars coming their way... And they're not even running! They're just taking their sweet time crossing the street while cars are going 90km an hour. I just don't get it. I don't get why people choose not to use the pedestrian cross way on top of the highway, a thing specifically created to avoid accidents and save lives. And why would you walk on the street, at night, when there are no street lights, and dressed in black?

Do these people have a death wish? I suppose they are suicidal? Are they just plain stupid? What is it that can explain such a behavior? I really don't know. All I know is that I am terrified of hitting someone. It's always something on my mind when I drive, especially at night. I have tendencies to drive fast, and I am very careful with my peaks of speed, but that stupid f*cker who might just decide to cross when I switched to the 5th gear on the highway, is always on my mind.

Venting over for now.

Wondering about sexuality

I was wondering recently about what makes a person more sexual than another. What is it that makes a person appreciate intercourse, touching, being touched, kissing, being kissed, being teased, teasing, and all the other things we do? Is it something innate? Are we born that way? Do we learn to appreciate some things with time? Does it have to do with the number of people we've been with and what they've "taught" us?

What makes it that you want to just... touch someone? or be near them? Is it pheromones, hormones, or something else? Do we behave differently depending on who we are? Or do we behave consistently no matter who we are with? Can some people turn you on differently than others? And why is that?

I guess this series of questions, wonderings, is coming to me due to the heat that we are enduring, and the newly forming couples around :)

Your thoughts are very welcome...