Communication breakdown

This week at work, I've been surrounded by power struggles, back-stabbing, rumours, and all kinds of unhealthy settings. It's *unbelievable*. Personally, the whole "rat race" is not my thing. I strive to do my job well, I want to succeed, but I know my limits. I know that there are things I will never do and I know that I will not sabotage someone just to move forward. It's just not in my nature.

I just cannot for the life of me understand some people who have gone up the ladder, one way or another, and are perpetually anxious : they make the people who work for them miserable just to feel that they have power over them; they do not communicate with the rest of the team, they are constantly in meetings and demand to be cc-ed on everything...

Bad management is really a horrible thing. It just demoralizes everyone around and is so very counter productive. When you step back and look at the situation, you realize that people have not grown up, that they are still children, in a school yard, fighting over who has the most marbles and the most friends. It's so childish and so totally irrational... I've tried to explain this, to understand it, but really there's no point.

People forget the importance of communicating, of talking, of sharing ideas, of listening. They forget that by communicating, we move forward, we help one another, and we better understand the needs of everyone....

I shall leave you with the following quote :

"The crucial role of language in human evolution was not the ability to exchange ideas, but the increased ability to cooperate" - Fritjof Capra

Temptation

The definition itself of temptation is (according to Merriam-Webster) something tempting... a cause or occasion of enticement. To entice means to attract artfully or adroitly or by arousing hope or desire... To entice is to tempt. The other aspect of this is of course resisting temptation... Resisting the desire or the hope...

We are tempted every day to do different things:

• go through the red light at 4 am when there is no one,
• have dessert every day,
• eat chocolate every day and in the quantities we want (you know eat so much chocolate that you feel sick? i love that feeling...),
• to be rude to a friend or a co-worker,
• to eat or not to eat,
• to have sex or not,
• to cheat or not,
• to be truthful or not,
• to speed or not,
• to be charmed by someone that you just met,
• etc. etc..

Every day we are faced with these decisions... I am a huge believer in cause and consequence. Whatever we do has always an impact, be it on other people or on ourselves. If I were to eat and drink whatever I wanted all the time, I would most definitely gain weight. I need to resist the temptation to eat chocolate every time I see it. The trouble is that sometimes we can succumb to a particular temptation because there would be little consequences for our acti0ns. Or perhaps that is what we tell ourselves to justify what we want to do, what we desire to do... We tell ourselves that we only live once and f*ck it, so what if x or y? So what after all? We could be crushed in a car accident or trapped in a cave or whatever...

Why should we resist temptation? Should we resist temptation? Difficult questions... difficult answers...

New beginning... again...

As I write this post, I am brushing my hair, and feeling the pimple that has just decided to form on my forehead. I just took a shower to try to relax, but I just can't seem to calm down... Tomorrow is the first day of my new job. I guess this is going to be my 3rd first new day in a serious environments. There were many others, but I think that those 3 were the toughest... anyways. My skin is showing signs of stress, and I am totally unable to sleep. All I can think about is my first day at my first "real" job...

I guess this was over six years ago. I remember that I had spent the evening before, a good couple of hours deciding on the outfit I was going to wear. I was going to work for a serious place, that employed thousands of people throughout the world, with many office buildings, and a lot of different people. I needed to make the right impression. I needed to put all there is to put on my side because I had started with a 3-month contract... Finally the outfit was picked. Finally I was able to get some rest.

The following morning, my stomach was rumbling. Alas, it was not hunger. It was good old stress that was taking a nasty turn and taking revenge on my poor stomach (it is always the victim of my uncounscioussness). I could barely drink something before leaving the apartment. On my way to the elevator, I had to rush back home and ... well... vomit. I grabbed some ginger ale, and headed back, even more stressed now by the fact that I might be getting late.

Half-way through the metro ride, I had to exit the metro, throw up in a trash, and get back on. My stomach was empty, but it was just rebelling. I finally made it to work, pale, shivering, and tense. I was fortunate enough to have a lovely older colleague who could understand the stress I was going through... That day went ok, my stomach took some time to settle, but it eventually did.

That job lasted me close to five years... I know beginnings are always difficult. Any "first" is hard, but such is life... I am sure that tomorrow will be great and that all this stupid stress will be remembered as an obligatory stupid thing.

Most of all, I hope that this job is "it" and that I will be able to actually have a career. All the signs seem to indicate that it will be possible. I shall do my best, work like a mule, and get to where I want.