I've not had to "worry" about death for quite some time. Two of my grandparents passed away when I was 5, and another when I was 10... Which means it's been over twenty years that I've not had someone I love or close to me or whatever pass away. I know that human and animal life do not compare... But I also believe in feeling close, whether to a person or a creature. This week, I'm having to deal with the eventuality of my cat's death.
I don't really want to think about it, but a part of me is not sure that Toutou is going to pull through. She's not been eating, not moving, not drinking, not anything. This is totally unlike her, because, despite her age (10.5 years), she comes to the door every single time I come in. She hangs out with me wherever I am at home, waits for me to get out of the shower, etc... I've had her for 9 years. I say without shame, that I love that cat.
She's been "hospitalized" for the past couple of days, and she's not doing well... The vet said that I should start thinking about what to do if she does not improve by tomorrow (saturday). I don't want to think about it. I know we all die. I know it's just a cat. I know all that. But... But the part of me that is rational is not strong enough on this particular issue.
29 June 2007
21 June 2007
Communication breakdown
This week at work, I've been surrounded by power struggles, back-stabbing, rumours, and all kinds of unhealthy settings. It's *unbelievable*. Personally, the whole "rat race" is not my thing. I strive to do my job well, I want to succeed, but I know my limits. I know that there are things I will never do and I know that I will not sabotage someone just to move forward. It's just not in my nature.
I just cannot for the life of me understand some people who have gone up the ladder, one way or another, and are perpetually anxious : they make the people who work for them miserable just to feel that they have power over them; they do not communicate with the rest of the team, they are constantly in meetings and demand to be cc-ed on everything...
Bad management is really a horrible thing. It just demoralizes everyone around and is so very counter productive. When you step back and look at the situation, you realize that people have not grown up, that they are still children, in a school yard, fighting over who has the most marbles and the most friends. It's so childish and so totally irrational... I've tried to explain this, to understand it, but really there's no point.
People forget the importance of communicating, of talking, of sharing ideas, of listening. They forget that by communicating, we move forward, we help one another, and we better understand the needs of everyone....
I shall leave you with the following quote :
"The crucial role of language in human evolution was not the ability to exchange ideas, but the increased ability to cooperate" - Fritjof Capra
I just cannot for the life of me understand some people who have gone up the ladder, one way or another, and are perpetually anxious : they make the people who work for them miserable just to feel that they have power over them; they do not communicate with the rest of the team, they are constantly in meetings and demand to be cc-ed on everything...
Bad management is really a horrible thing. It just demoralizes everyone around and is so very counter productive. When you step back and look at the situation, you realize that people have not grown up, that they are still children, in a school yard, fighting over who has the most marbles and the most friends. It's so childish and so totally irrational... I've tried to explain this, to understand it, but really there's no point.
People forget the importance of communicating, of talking, of sharing ideas, of listening. They forget that by communicating, we move forward, we help one another, and we better understand the needs of everyone....
I shall leave you with the following quote :
"The crucial role of language in human evolution was not the ability to exchange ideas, but the increased ability to cooperate" - Fritjof Capra
19 June 2007
Obligations sociales
Samedi dernier, en compagnie de ma très chère Houta, en sirotant une boisson bien fraiche, une conversation bien interessante eut lieu (du moins, on a commencé, mais elle a été interrompue). On avait commencé à parler du concept d'obligations sociales, de choses qu'on devait faire parce que "c'était la chose à faire". En Tunisie, il y a beaucoup de situations où on se sent obligé de faire x pour faire plaisir à ses parents, à son conjoint, à ses beaux parents, etc...
Parfois, ce concept (makkhidht khater as we call it) est bien parce que nous vivons dans une société qui n'est pas (encore) individualiste. On a besoin parfois de mettre un peu à l'écart nos sentiments pour le bien du "groupe". Nous tenons compte des sentiments des autres. Nous faisons des efforts pour que le futur beau fils de notre oncle ne se sente pas exclut, nous allons visiter, nous sortons, nous visitons, nous parlons, etc. etc...
Mais .... parfois, il y a quelqu'un qui est dans l'obligation de faire plaisir aux autres, sans que toutefois que les autres réciproquent. En fait, ce n'est même pas une question de donner sans recevoir. C'est vraiment le fait de donner parce qu'on "doit", de faire quelque chose à contre coeur, et être dans une situation inconfortable contre son grés. C'est pour tout cela que je dis : f*ck 'em. Rien ni personne ne devrait m'obliger à un age adulte et avancé de faire qq chose contre mon gré simplement parce que c'est "comme ça".
Ce n'est certainement pas facile par moments, parce que clairement on irait contré le courant... Et alors? Telle est la vie... Et si on ne veut pas finir comme copie conforme aux 10 millions de tunisiens, il faut avoir la peau dure et tenir tête. Like I said, ce n'est pas facile de se comporter comme on veut vraiment, et s'habiller comme on veut, et en fin de compte, vivre ou être comme on veut. Mais il faut aussi réaliser que nous n'avons qu'une vie, qu'elle est courte et instable, et surtout qu'elle peut prendre fin à tout moment.
Pour reprendre les mots de Renton (Trainspotting) : Choose life.
Parfois, ce concept (makkhidht khater as we call it) est bien parce que nous vivons dans une société qui n'est pas (encore) individualiste. On a besoin parfois de mettre un peu à l'écart nos sentiments pour le bien du "groupe". Nous tenons compte des sentiments des autres. Nous faisons des efforts pour que le futur beau fils de notre oncle ne se sente pas exclut, nous allons visiter, nous sortons, nous visitons, nous parlons, etc. etc...
Mais .... parfois, il y a quelqu'un qui est dans l'obligation de faire plaisir aux autres, sans que toutefois que les autres réciproquent. En fait, ce n'est même pas une question de donner sans recevoir. C'est vraiment le fait de donner parce qu'on "doit", de faire quelque chose à contre coeur, et être dans une situation inconfortable contre son grés. C'est pour tout cela que je dis : f*ck 'em. Rien ni personne ne devrait m'obliger à un age adulte et avancé de faire qq chose contre mon gré simplement parce que c'est "comme ça".
Ce n'est certainement pas facile par moments, parce que clairement on irait contré le courant... Et alors? Telle est la vie... Et si on ne veut pas finir comme copie conforme aux 10 millions de tunisiens, il faut avoir la peau dure et tenir tête. Like I said, ce n'est pas facile de se comporter comme on veut vraiment, et s'habiller comme on veut, et en fin de compte, vivre ou être comme on veut. Mais il faut aussi réaliser que nous n'avons qu'une vie, qu'elle est courte et instable, et surtout qu'elle peut prendre fin à tout moment.
Pour reprendre les mots de Renton (Trainspotting) : Choose life.
12 June 2007
On why I hate pedestrians in Tunisia
This post has been brewing in my head for quite some time... I've been trying to find some sort of logic, some sort of explanation, something, anything to start explaining the behavior of pedestrians in Tunisia, but I just can't...
I cannot for the life of me understand why people would walk on the road, when you have a sidewalk. I cannot understand why people cross the road when there are cars coming their way... And they're not even running! They're just taking their sweet time crossing the street while cars are going 90km an hour. I just don't get it. I don't get why people choose not to use the pedestrian cross way on top of the highway, a thing specifically created to avoid accidents and save lives. And why would you walk on the street, at night, when there are no street lights, and dressed in black?
Do these people have a death wish? I suppose they are suicidal? Are they just plain stupid? What is it that can explain such a behavior? I really don't know. All I know is that I am terrified of hitting someone. It's always something on my mind when I drive, especially at night. I have tendencies to drive fast, and I am very careful with my peaks of speed, but that stupid f*cker who might just decide to cross when I switched to the 5th gear on the highway, is always on my mind.
Venting over for now.
I cannot for the life of me understand why people would walk on the road, when you have a sidewalk. I cannot understand why people cross the road when there are cars coming their way... And they're not even running! They're just taking their sweet time crossing the street while cars are going 90km an hour. I just don't get it. I don't get why people choose not to use the pedestrian cross way on top of the highway, a thing specifically created to avoid accidents and save lives. And why would you walk on the street, at night, when there are no street lights, and dressed in black?
Do these people have a death wish? I suppose they are suicidal? Are they just plain stupid? What is it that can explain such a behavior? I really don't know. All I know is that I am terrified of hitting someone. It's always something on my mind when I drive, especially at night. I have tendencies to drive fast, and I am very careful with my peaks of speed, but that stupid f*cker who might just decide to cross when I switched to the 5th gear on the highway, is always on my mind.
Venting over for now.
08 June 2007
Wondering about sexuality
I was wondering recently about what makes a person more sexual than another. What is it that makes a person appreciate intercourse, touching, being touched, kissing, being kissed, being teased, teasing, and all the other things we do? Is it something innate? Are we born that way? Do we learn to appreciate some things with time? Does it have to do with the number of people we've been with and what they've "taught" us?
What makes it that you want to just... touch someone? or be near them? Is it pheromones, hormones, or something else? Do we behave differently depending on who we are? Or do we behave consistently no matter who we are with? Can some people turn you on differently than others? And why is that?
I guess this series of questions, wonderings, is coming to me due to the heat that we are enduring, and the newly forming couples around :)
Your thoughts are very welcome...
What makes it that you want to just... touch someone? or be near them? Is it pheromones, hormones, or something else? Do we behave differently depending on who we are? Or do we behave consistently no matter who we are with? Can some people turn you on differently than others? And why is that?
I guess this series of questions, wonderings, is coming to me due to the heat that we are enduring, and the newly forming couples around :)
Your thoughts are very welcome...
07 June 2007
The need to define or not
I suppose life is easier when you know what you are doing. If you're just throwing yourself (so to say) into something without knowing the potential outcome, you might feel uncomfortable.
Often we define situations, relationships, work tasks, etc... in order to not only know what to expect and what to do, but also to know the "scope" of what is/is not allowed. I find it that however, sometimes, one does not need to know.
Clearly I wonder about my behavior sometimes. I wonder about some choices and what pushed me to just go ahead and do something. But these thoughts never linger too long because when one knows that there is a finality to something, it's better to live day by day and enjoy the moment.
So... Defining is all good and well to know where you are heading, but allow yourself sometimes some "craziness" and just be...
Carpe diem.
Often we define situations, relationships, work tasks, etc... in order to not only know what to expect and what to do, but also to know the "scope" of what is/is not allowed. I find it that however, sometimes, one does not need to know.
Clearly I wonder about my behavior sometimes. I wonder about some choices and what pushed me to just go ahead and do something. But these thoughts never linger too long because when one knows that there is a finality to something, it's better to live day by day and enjoy the moment.
So... Defining is all good and well to know where you are heading, but allow yourself sometimes some "craziness" and just be...
Carpe diem.
05 June 2007
Ouf
For whatever reason, my mood has been great. I don't know if it's weather, the air pressure, my hormones under control, the good sleep, or the fact that work is moving along nicely... I don't know. I just feel good.
One thing for sure is that the sunny warm weather is definitely helping, and the trainspotting soundtrack (1 and 2).
So that's that. I'm back into a better mood, a jojo that is more empowered, stronger, and freeer.
Life these past couple of days has been just moving along, with nothing out of the ordinary happening... Work, life, its troubles and joys, friends, aïkido, parents, kids, loving and being loved, crazy suicidal pedestrians, funny coworkers, and interesting reading (Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk) have been going on.
No particular life ranting or venting needed. I guess I'm zen these days.
One thing for sure is that the sunny warm weather is definitely helping, and the trainspotting soundtrack (1 and 2).
So that's that. I'm back into a better mood, a jojo that is more empowered, stronger, and freeer.
Life these past couple of days has been just moving along, with nothing out of the ordinary happening... Work, life, its troubles and joys, friends, aïkido, parents, kids, loving and being loved, crazy suicidal pedestrians, funny coworkers, and interesting reading (Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk) have been going on.
No particular life ranting or venting needed. I guess I'm zen these days.
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