The issue with pornography… Is there an issue to start with? Is there a trouble? I’m sure that most of you have seen porn at one point or another (or still do), and I’m sure you’ve noticed how much it has changed over the years. The “ladies” nowadays are super fit, with huge tits, tans, the occasional piercing or tattoo, zero pubic hair, always willing and always accepting. Reality is different.
Reality shows that women have bad hair days, that they have all kinds of sizes of breasts, that they don’t necessarily enjoy some things portrayed in "movies". The trouble lies in the fact that pornography is compulsive. Why is it? Because it’s guaranteed. You spank the monkey and there you go. Immediate satisfaction guaranteed. But here’s where it gets sticky (no imagery intended here)… It becomes trickier when you associate your orgasm with the cyber-babes. They become to you THE way to relieve yourself, to orgasm, because you know that it is guaranteed. And so, you associate, inevitably, sex with cyberbabes. And let’s face it, orgasming is a wonderful feeling.
But when you, the guy, are faced with a real woman, what do you do? You don’t know what to do with her body, her scent, her curves, her skin. You don’t have that over the web. You don’t kiss, you don’t touch, and… you’re not touched yourself. So if pornography is your only reference, how will you behave with the flesh and blood in front of you? How about her? Do you think you can apply the things what you’ve seen to her? Can you even be turned on by a regular woman? Does your libido still kick in?
I see this new wave of pornography, especially for the younger guys with no experience as a very bad thing. Their expectations and view of sex will undeniably be altered. And it’s the woman who will have to manage that situation.
Now, when a woman is faced with a man who does not know what he’s doing… the only thing she can do is to guide him through the process. Hopefully the guy’s learning curve is not bad and he’ll get his act together sooner rather than later. BUT, what if the woman has no idea what to do? What are her references? Porn? Good Lord. That would really be bad. So what is a woman to do? Seek an experienced man? Does she herself have references? If not, why not?
09 March 2007
08 March 2007
Women and Sex
I’ve been thinking about writing this blog entry for some time, but did not know where to start… I still don’t know where to start, but I figured I should just do the usual and throw myself body and soul into my word processor and type away…
I wanted to discuss the concept of women’s sexuality, how it changes with time, the social misconceptions, sensuality, pornography, and libido. Most probably I will have to split things up or I will end up with a very long entry.
This joins what I wrote a couple of days back (The rules have changed…). So I will start off with social misconceptions and see where the inspiration leads me. Very often, talking about a woman’s sexuality is taboo. I know that talking excessively about anything takes away from its charm and mystery. Too much talk about sex makes sex less intriguing… more accessible, more diluted in a way. Just like showing too much skin can take away from the other’s imagination. If he sees it all, well, there’s less to discover.
But the thing is that a woman’s sexuality is not recognized. Her needs (good god she has needs?), wishes, or behaviour are often subjects left unspoken because the woman is the rabbit. The woman is the hunted. Man is the one who boasts his sexual exploits and talks about his number of conquests. I won’t go into the fact that a man is proud of how many times he “scores” and how it is a good thing, whereas when a woman does the same, she’s viewed as a whore. Often the woman is just the receptor of man’s seed and is viewed as passive.
There are of course those who say that a woman who walks alone at night is “asking for it” or is a woman of little virtue. A woman is meant to receive the man, meaning that it is up to him to make the first move. A woman does not make the first move or express her desire. Part of all of these social images is due to the fact that it is the woman who bears and nurtures the child. It is she who takes care of it, bathes it, feeds it, and puts it to sleep. A woman is also the overall care-taker of a household. No matter how much a man will help, it still is up to the woman to handle a good part of the chores.
So a woman is expected to be both a sexual goddess and a perfect host/mother. It is this duality which makes it difficult for society to accept a sexually aggressive woman, or one who demands pleasure from her mate… I know that things have changed now, that as a comment said, women are applying the rules of men. Women are killing off taboos. We (as women) just have to be careful how we behave, and accept the choices we make.
Yes women masturbate. Yes women do like sex. Yes women can have multiple partners over a short period of time. Yes women think about it. Yes women are horny. Yes women can be intense. Yes women have needs. Yes women have fantasies. Yes women have desires. Yes yes yes…
Thoughts? Tomorrow I shall continue on women and pornography…
I wanted to discuss the concept of women’s sexuality, how it changes with time, the social misconceptions, sensuality, pornography, and libido. Most probably I will have to split things up or I will end up with a very long entry.
This joins what I wrote a couple of days back (The rules have changed…). So I will start off with social misconceptions and see where the inspiration leads me. Very often, talking about a woman’s sexuality is taboo. I know that talking excessively about anything takes away from its charm and mystery. Too much talk about sex makes sex less intriguing… more accessible, more diluted in a way. Just like showing too much skin can take away from the other’s imagination. If he sees it all, well, there’s less to discover.
But the thing is that a woman’s sexuality is not recognized. Her needs (good god she has needs?), wishes, or behaviour are often subjects left unspoken because the woman is the rabbit. The woman is the hunted. Man is the one who boasts his sexual exploits and talks about his number of conquests. I won’t go into the fact that a man is proud of how many times he “scores” and how it is a good thing, whereas when a woman does the same, she’s viewed as a whore. Often the woman is just the receptor of man’s seed and is viewed as passive.
There are of course those who say that a woman who walks alone at night is “asking for it” or is a woman of little virtue. A woman is meant to receive the man, meaning that it is up to him to make the first move. A woman does not make the first move or express her desire. Part of all of these social images is due to the fact that it is the woman who bears and nurtures the child. It is she who takes care of it, bathes it, feeds it, and puts it to sleep. A woman is also the overall care-taker of a household. No matter how much a man will help, it still is up to the woman to handle a good part of the chores.
So a woman is expected to be both a sexual goddess and a perfect host/mother. It is this duality which makes it difficult for society to accept a sexually aggressive woman, or one who demands pleasure from her mate… I know that things have changed now, that as a comment said, women are applying the rules of men. Women are killing off taboos. We (as women) just have to be careful how we behave, and accept the choices we make.
Yes women masturbate. Yes women do like sex. Yes women can have multiple partners over a short period of time. Yes women think about it. Yes women are horny. Yes women can be intense. Yes women have needs. Yes women have fantasies. Yes women have desires. Yes yes yes…
Thoughts? Tomorrow I shall continue on women and pornography…
07 March 2007
Nagging…
Thank God for music and my 30GB iPod… My better half bought me the iTrip cable, and I can’t seem to drive without having both with me and listening to music. I realized this when over the summer my dad asked me where the off button of the radio/cd player was. I did not know because I never used it.
Usually, I use the Shuffle Songs option to go through all different types of music, but depending on weather and how I wake up, I adjust the type. This morning for example I had to put some Guns n’ Roses on to start the day on a good note. It is gray outside and I have loads of work, and I needed to be pumped up…
What’s my point? What does all of this have to do with Nagging? Patience… I realized also that I skipped through the songs to get to one in particular, a “morbid” song if you will, that talked about death and nagging. The title being “Used to love her” from the album Lies. In it, the dude kills his girlfriend and buries her in his backyard (he wants her near him) because she nags, bitches, and complains. I like this song because I like the music, and the lyrics appeal to me. I am not advocating murder and secret garden burials, but I hate nagging.
Complaining is normal, and is often necessary to make others aware of a particular situation or problem. Where it starts to be annoying is when it is persistent, constant, and incessant. I hate being asked many times to do something. I also don’t very much like people who complain and bitch about a particular situation without doing anything about it. Because let’s face it (and here pragmatism kicks in), if you are unsatisfied with something or someone, you have two options: accept things as they are and (especially) stop your bitching, or, do something about it and change things.
Nagging to me is reserved to those who don’t want to do something to change their situation, who relish in being the martyr, the victim or whatever… Now, if you’re the one who has to suffer someone’s nagging, remind them to act, not react. Tell them that you will do whatever chore they want you to do, and if you ARE sitting on your ass not doing what you’re supposed to be doing, well tough shit for you.
In conclusion : stop your bitchin or shut the f*ck up…. And yeah, Guns n’ roses rule (or used to).
Usually, I use the Shuffle Songs option to go through all different types of music, but depending on weather and how I wake up, I adjust the type. This morning for example I had to put some Guns n’ Roses on to start the day on a good note. It is gray outside and I have loads of work, and I needed to be pumped up…
What’s my point? What does all of this have to do with Nagging? Patience… I realized also that I skipped through the songs to get to one in particular, a “morbid” song if you will, that talked about death and nagging. The title being “Used to love her” from the album Lies. In it, the dude kills his girlfriend and buries her in his backyard (he wants her near him) because she nags, bitches, and complains. I like this song because I like the music, and the lyrics appeal to me. I am not advocating murder and secret garden burials, but I hate nagging.
Complaining is normal, and is often necessary to make others aware of a particular situation or problem. Where it starts to be annoying is when it is persistent, constant, and incessant. I hate being asked many times to do something. I also don’t very much like people who complain and bitch about a particular situation without doing anything about it. Because let’s face it (and here pragmatism kicks in), if you are unsatisfied with something or someone, you have two options: accept things as they are and (especially) stop your bitching, or, do something about it and change things.
Nagging to me is reserved to those who don’t want to do something to change their situation, who relish in being the martyr, the victim or whatever… Now, if you’re the one who has to suffer someone’s nagging, remind them to act, not react. Tell them that you will do whatever chore they want you to do, and if you ARE sitting on your ass not doing what you’re supposed to be doing, well tough shit for you.
In conclusion : stop your bitchin or shut the f*ck up…. And yeah, Guns n’ roses rule (or used to).
06 March 2007
The rules have changed...
I was watching TV yesterday night when I saw this ad for a meet-up site (or whatever they are called). In it, women are more assertive. They are the ones who actually kiss the guy, or take 5 condoms and give 1 to they guy, or the ones who forget the name of the guy they've just "met". At the end of the ad, the slogan "the rules have changed" appears in red-pink...
I love this ad because it's true that the rules have changed and more and more women are better in charge of their sexuality. I guess women are realizing that if they want something that they need to get it and forget about the so-called rules of "I will call him 3 days after the first date" or "I can only xxx after xxx". Who came up with these stupid rules? Whatever I say. Do as you feel I say. Make your own rules and break them I say.
So women are living it up and doing the first move. So what? Would men feel threatened because the hunted became the hunter? Would men be turned off because women are getting stronger and indeed are changing the rules? So what I say again? If this so-called man is feeling threatened or whatever, then perhaps that is not your kind of man. He is not the type of person that meets your demands as a woman who has decided that the rules have changed.
Some would say that this particular view of things "kills" the romanticism of a relationship, it takes away from the game... All I've got to say is: the game is still on, the rules have changed.
So ladies, live it up... don't let anyone tell you what to do. Do as you feel.
05 March 2007
In 19 months...
I've realized not long ago that I stopped counting the time I've been in Tunisia. It must have been a couple of months back... But in the past couple of weeks, a wave of nostalgia, has decided to hit me, so I'm thinking about the USA again... And so, to add some items to the list I had previously started, I decided to continue with my 19 months... So on top of that list, here's my update:
I've switched jobs
I got into 2 car accidents
I started taking aikido classes (again)
I have not gotten sick often (I suppose my body is finally accepting Tunisia)
I made friends
I've stopped doubting myself
I've gotten my migraines under control
I've lost weight and gained muscle mass
I've let my hair grow
I've held a baby cat in my hand (3 days-old)
I've not read anything exceptionnal
I've decided to be and I've become the driver
I've learned that words have many meanings depending on who's saying them
I've learned that if you don't stand up for your right, noone will
I stopped playing the guitar
I've become more zen while driving
I still get into fights when someone tries to cut me off in a line
I've made plans and changed them many times
I'm still not ready to have mini-mes
I still cannot grasp all the daily expressions
I still have an accent
I still don't give a damn :)
I've switched jobs
I got into 2 car accidents
I started taking aikido classes (again)
I have not gotten sick often (I suppose my body is finally accepting Tunisia)
I made friends
I've stopped doubting myself
I've gotten my migraines under control
I've lost weight and gained muscle mass
I've let my hair grow
I've held a baby cat in my hand (3 days-old)
I've not read anything exceptionnal
I've decided to be and I've become the driver
I've learned that words have many meanings depending on who's saying them
I've learned that if you don't stand up for your right, noone will
I stopped playing the guitar
I've become more zen while driving
I still get into fights when someone tries to cut me off in a line
I've made plans and changed them many times
I'm still not ready to have mini-mes
I still cannot grasp all the daily expressions
I still have an accent
I still don't give a damn :)
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