Lionleum floors

So I am reading Heart Seizure by Bill Fitzhugh, and this small passage struck me as funny. It takes place in a hospital, with an FBI Agent trying to get a heart (transplant) to the president of the US, and this is what happens to him:

He looked up from his throbbing tibia just in time to see a swinging door hurled open by an emergency case on a charging gurney. The door hit flush on his forehead. The furious transfer of energy flipped Agent Berger upside down and backward with such violence that when the back of his head cracked on the linoleum, it woke someone from a dream one floor down.

ups and downs

I know getting used to life, after moving from one country to another, takes time... I suppose it'll take a couple more time to find my "references"... Know where to shop for books, CDs, etc... know where to get the kind of clothes, etc. that I like. I know all of that. I know it takes time.

But I can't help but feel some level of fear of not being able to hold on. Because I am adapting in the meantime, and adaptation by definition means getting used to conditions, which means that now, I feel frustrated because I am adapting. The issue hence is that I need to find the patience in the meantime for this adaptation process.

People say I am strong and that I can take a lot. They also say that I am a very flexible person... But... but... it's hard, and I pray that God grant me the patience to live this adaptation and not break-down.

My mood in the meantime makes me sometimes a bit weird, because I can feel the ups and downs and the changes in mood. So to all those that I snap or you see me weird after laughing for a sec, sorry.

Sh*tty day

Today's gonna be one of those days... Where I'm most probably gonna have a f*ck it attitude towards everything. I guess I must have dreamt too much and something disturbed me in my subconscious and I woke up pissed off. I hope it'll pass and that the day won't drag forever.

How do you manage disappointment

The questions must be because of my reading (Socrates)... but seriously... How do you manage disappointment... Do you scream at the person? Do you scream in general (at anyone to get it off your chest)? Do you accept it as is and try to manage the situation the best way you can? Do you try and be rational about it? I know we all each behave differently and that we function differently, and that is why we behave differently.

Personally, I am trying to take a more "zen" attitude about disappointment and not be angry. I am trying to manage them as best as I can. You know, realize that there is no point, and that one must deal with the situation present, learn from whatever happened and move on.

I think that more and more I am forcing myself not to be or get angry... It's not healthy and it's not good.


How do you deal with disappointment?

What is Initiative?

and does it mattter? Isn't ignorance bliss? Yes and No.

These are my asnswers... I think that once in a while, one must show initiative in order to not only improve as an individual but to also contribute to whatever you are doing (work, home, etc.). Once in a while, you must take it upon yourself to do something that you are not asked to do... Because I sincerely believe that doing the minimum in life is not enough. That we are not put on earth to just live, breathe, eat, and reproduce. I believe in continuous self-improvement through continuous learning, and through continous trials (and sometimes failures, and that is sometimes how you really do learn).

Initiative also shows that one is not always asking you to do something. It's nice to be surprised and have someone offer you the help, without any expectations in return.

But the questions is, why do some have it and others not? I need to think about that... Your thoughts?

Pictures galore

I've been made aware of a future challenge that will take place (more details to come when all is official) and that will reward you with 7k TND if you were to win. The category I will be entering in will be photography. Nothing to lose, and much to win. The theme is Culture in Tunisia... So I am wondering what aspect of it to pic... The culture in its traditional way (romans, pottery, etc.) or the culture that we've become (good or bad). Your thoughts are welcome and encouraged!

I've been taking advantage of the shuffle function of my iTunes, and I'm listening right now to James Brown - Get Up Offa That Thing (which WILL make you wanna shake that thing), Leftfield - A Final Hit (from the soundtrack of Trainspotting), Paul Oakenfold - Chilled Eskimos/Take Me Away (Thanks again Zipir's Daddy for introducing me to him).

So all's well, and the acceptance of the realities of life are improving! (meaning, I'm coming to terms with the driving here...)

Feeling blue

Funny that in french, to feel blue, is: I have the cockroach... Anyways... Feeling blue/the cockroach...

In the Waiting Line by Zero 7

Wait in line
'Till your time
Ticking clock
Everyone stop

Everyone's saying different things to me
Different things to me
Everyone's saying different things to me
Different things to me

Woooohh
Do you believe
In what you see
There doesn't seem to be anybody else who agrees with me

Do you believe
In what you see
Motionless wheel
Nothing is real
Wasting my time
In the waiting line
Do you believe in
What you see

Nine to five
Living lies
Everyday
Stealing time
Everyone's taking everything they can
Everything they can
Everyone's taking everything they can
Everything they can

Woooohh
Do you believe
In what you feel
It doesn't seem to be anybody else who agrees with me

Do you believe
In what you see
Motionless wheel
Nothing is real
Wasting my time
In the waiting line
Do you believe
In what you see

Ah and I'll shout and I'll scream
But I'd rather not have seen
And I'll hide away for another day

Do you believe
In what you see
Motionless wheel
Nothing is real
Wasting my time
In the waiting line
Do you believe
In what you see

Everyone's saying different things to me
Different things to me
Different things to me
Different things to me
Different things to me
Everyone's taking everything they can
Everything they can

A little addendum on insanity... (sort of)

The question is... What is Mana Mana? Find out. Beware, it's a video which might take time to load, but is well worth it...

And the answer to the questions is... who cares? it makes me smile, guaranteed :)

what is insanity?

Insanity is very relative.

I think that is the first thing one must realize... Weren't once prophets and messengers called insane for the ideas or the things they said? Can a person be called insane simply because the person is seemingly going against logic? (which leads me to ask you this: isn't logic in itself sometimes relative?) Does insanity mean going against going the flow, society? Isn't insanity necessary to be creative sometimes?

I am delving a little bit into this topic of sorts in order to better understand my need to understand... Sounds a bit weird, I know. What I mean is that I noticed lately a need to explain everything, and sometimes, things just cannot be explained... One must realize that.

I confess that reading Socrates Café: A Fresh Taste of Philosophy, is leading me to ask even more questions about myself and others in general... I think I need to mix a bit my reading or all these questions (because really, one leads to many, and the loop does not end)... so I will start my newly acquired Heart Seizure by Bill Fitzhugh (Thanks Dad!) and try to keep my sanity...

By the way, if anyone out there around Tunis knows of a place where I can learn ceramics (the wheel technique) and all that stuff, please let me know ;) I am looking for a class to take on evenings or weekends...

Being sick sucks

What a great way to start the year... After what seemed to be a decent start, I get horrible stomach aches and pains... I get to the ER, and they say that most probably I have problems with my upper stomach... After about 5 injections (I kid you not), the pain subsides. The following day I am pretty much knocked out with all the pain killers, but the pain comes back. So yesterday morning, I call the doc again and he asks me to come and do a "fibroscopie" which leads to a diagnosis of a gastritis. Sucks asss. Why does it suck ass? Because I am forbidden now to eat spicy food (Thank GOD I already went to India and loaded on foods), any fatty foods (which is ok with me except this includes chocolate), and pretty much all things that make life enjoyable, like coffee and alcohol...

I will have to keep this diet going for about 14 days, then I see the doc again, and then we'll see. But what is totally sure is that spicy food is out of the question for me. So that's that for me...

Question of the week: what is insanity? (or how to define it really)?

Pollution

I just spent a great weekend in Ain Draham, where I got fresh air in my lungs, and escaped the excessive smoking habits of my fellow Tunisians... This particular small town (village?) in the north of the country is really green, mountainous (so I got to do some hiking/trekking), and overall soothing.

Now, trust me when I say that I am not always complaining or whinning... Really, it is not in my nature, but again, please view my questions or venting as a way of understanding my surroundings... A way to comprehend what is going on, because that is my nature. I need to understand why people do the things they do.

So, to get back to the subject. During the hike, while enjoying the beautiful cork oak trees, I start seeing empty beer cans... So just for "fun" and to see the extent of this disaster, we start counting the cans while climbing. Within the short span of 30 minutes, we hit 50 cans, and honestly I just had to stop because it was depressing me... Understand that this area, in the north of Africa gets snow, is very green, and very unique in its landscape (you will see the pictures I took very soon)... Nothing that the average european/american can understand (they always thing of tunisia a sandy landscape, not a mountainous green one). In my eyes, we have something precious and beautiful that we need to take care of, to preserve and to be proud of.

How do some show this pride? By filling the freakin forest with cans of beer, sardines, yogurt, and harissa. WTF? Why can't you f*cking drunken bastard collect your trash after you leave? Why must you litter the place? Why can't the municipality do something about this?

This is a problem on 2 levels: i) the stupid selfish third-worldish mentality and ii) the quasi non-involvement of the municipality... Now, the mentality, god knows when or if it will change to understand the consequences of its actions on mother nature... The municipality on the other hand, I WILL do something about. So I took pictures of all the littered dirty places, will write to the newspaper, the guy in charge of the city, the mo'tamdya, the gouvernorat, and the ministry of environment.

Perhaps it will be a waste of time, a small insignificant thing to whoemenver, but frnakly, I will feel better, because at least I did something, I did not just take the fatalistic attitude of "it's a shame, but what can you do?".... There is always something you can do, and if after the first try nothing happens, I will keep on writing, and harassing, until my voice is heard...

So there.

Currently feeding my spirit with

• Black chocolate truffles
• Socrates Café: A Fresh Taste of Philosophy
• The Arabian Nights : Tales from a Thousand and One Nights
• Faith No More
  

Adaptation

I've been back home now for over 5 months... and there are things that I've yet to understand... Friends and family say "you'll adapt" soon enough. It really got me thinking on what this supposed adaptation means. What IS adaptation (besides a very interesting movie) ? Is it adjustment? Is it getting used to some things? or perhaps accepting them? And wouldn't accepting the things you criticize or view as wrong a sort of step back?

Truth is, there are some things that I will never change my habits or get used to what I deem to be wrong. I have come to realize that I cannot change an entire society. I have to simply to accept the way things are, not adapt to them, as in, do as they do, but simply try, somehow to comprehend a particular behavior and not get angry over it.

One example is the wearing of the seat belt... There is this... this... refusal, this obstination, in not wearing one, that I cannot comprehend. Why on earth do you refuse to perform a simple gesture that could save your life? Why would you ask me not to wear one because it is not obligatory? Do we do some things in life simply because they are required? And if so, why would you run through red lights or not use your turning signal (this incidentally is a rare occurence over here, people just switch lanes, from all directions, without notice)... The roads stress me out. Perhaps when I start being on the road myself, I will be able to somehow accept this way of being.

But for the time being, I still cringe.

Social image

During various discussions I've had with friends and family, I've come to realize that things are not quite the same as I thought... The concept of one's image is rather important as it can (apparently) make or break you. I understand fully the concept and I know that in the frame of a society, it goes without saying that we have to behave differently depending on who/where we are and who we are talking to.

The trouble I am having is when this concept of a "social image" becomes the only thing that matters to you. What do I mean by that? I mean that whenever you do something, you do for other's sake, and not your own. I think that it can become very dangerous, and is condusive to enforcing a sheep mentality. Put on whatever clothes you want because you want to put them, drink whatever you desire, and speak your mind... Just because things have been in a particular way for some time, does not mean that it is a good thing.

Moreover, don't make a big deal out of the trivialities of life... Think of the big picture... Think of the fact that you will die and try to do those things that will matter to you in your old age... What will you remember when you are 80? The way you gathered with your friends and family or the food you obsessed about making?

I guess my point is this, don't limit yourself, and realize that there is much more in life to discover and see... And please, just because you choose to do some things in your own way, don't make me change just so that you can stick a label easily on me.

i am a fool

Because I am a fool and paranoid about security, and because I've not posted in a while, I totally forgot my passwords and the email account I had associated with my ex-blog (sleeplessjojo.blogspot.com). I tried to see if I could go without it, but I can't. I really miss it, and these days, venting is even more necessary than before... so here's my first (again) stab at getting back on the blog road...

I guess this is really the best way to start the year and to get myself to be less angry, anxious, or whatever it is that is making me hyper.